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Sunday, August 28, 2011

Until Then

It sure has been a while since I have sat down and shared what was on my mind, in my heart and flowing in my soul. Writing for me has always been a huge passion. It has always been the best way I could express myself. If I owed someone an apology, I wrote a letter. If I needed to confront someone, I wrote a letter. If my heart was overflowing with so much love that I had to express it or burst, I wrote a letter.
So why after 20+ years, writing has become a stranger to me? Why is it that something that once flowed so freely from within can't break through this wall that has been built up?
Because I have helped build that wall and only I know how to tear it down.
Sitting here and "talking" to you all on a regular basis and opening up my heart, revealing to strangers my innermost thoughts, suddenly became a "fear" of mine. Being a blessing to someone who may be going through the same thing as me suddenly became scary because I suddenly became accountable for all I said. If I told you to hold on to God even if you did not feel His presence, it meant that I had to. If I told you to pray for others instead of being angry at them, it meant I had to. If I told you to hold your head high when your heart was breaking, it meant I had to.
The pressure was too much for me...And I honestly did not realize that this is why I was holding back until I just NOW grabbed my computer, logged onto blogger and started typing.
God revealed to me that I have not allowed grace to lead me through this process of sharing. Instead, I was letting the fear of failure stop me. And STOP me, it did.
I can't promise that I will be able able to sit here daily, weekly or even monthly and share what I have on my mind and in my heart with you like I used to. But I can promise that from here on out if that is what God WANTS me to do, I will try.
Until then........


Rachel W. Clark

1 comment:

  1. We have missed you! I can identify with those fears, I often think of those same things as I am writing and sometimes I post what I want to say and other times I have simply not been able to click that Post button. Writing makes us vulnerable, sharing what is going on in our lives and hearts but I think it is also important for others to see that we struggle and don't always have all of the answers. Just wanted you to know that you are in good company.

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